Why I killed my sofa

You know everyone is going on about the gym at the moment? Because it’s January etc?
Well I’m not into all of that, can’t bear the thought of prancing around in lycra in front of people I don’t know (or those who I DO know, come to think of it).

However, I know my daily walk isn’t sufficient to burn off stress. But I think I’ve found the solution to keep frustration at bay (oy, no sniggering at the back).

My sofa killing session left me shiny faced and knackered, not elegant and aloof like this woman

Andy and I had a bit of a clear out over Xmas and New Year, today we threw an old sofa out from the back room. If we could have passed it on to someone through Freecycle or similar we would, but the cats have used it as a massive scratching post over the years, it’s totally shredded.

We don’t use it for anything, once again it’s the cats who sit on it while they’re waiting to be fed.

So we decided to get shut of the old couch. What we didn’t envisage was that Men Who Knew What They Were Doing brought it into the house and Andy & I with our Laurel and Hardy standard removal skills weren’t going to get the job done. So we decided to cut the couch on half, the theory being it would be easier to angle through the front door if in two bits.

The saw we used wasn’t doing the job so I started whacking the sofa with a claw hammer. The wood creaked and moaned then eventually splintered. A sweet sound.

I wrecked my nails, but…WORTH IT

‘One thing I’ve noticed about you is that you like breaking things,’ Andy said. ‘You got a mad look in your eyes when you were doing that.’

A fair comment, probably, but it didn’t half give me a sense of satisfaction, chopping up that sofa. Everything that’s got on my wick in recent memory flashed through my mind as I battered it.

Cut in the queue in Sainsbury’s did you? Take that. That bloke who farted in the lift back in Manchester in July? Get a load of this. Crappy summer weather, where are you? Duck.

Too bad I haven’t got a few more sofas to throw away, I’d be sorted.

@cathbore

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