The Poor Kid

Dressing up as your favourite character from a book is a tricky business this World Book Day judging by the endless stream of princesses I saw going into my local primary school this morning. I saw princesses, lots of them; but spied no books.

They don't make these in my size. Gutted.
They don’t make these in my size. Gutted.

I started to wonder, what do poor kids do on World Book Day? The ones from families who are skint? Poverty clings to poor kids like a smell, it follows you wherever you go. As a former poor kid, I confirm this is true.  It is obvious to your teachers, the other kids in class, their parents (especially them), all your neighbours; every single curtain twitching one, that you are poor.  As a poor kid, you don’t anything new, or for spare. You live a life of hand me downs and free school dinners.

And everybody knows.

So on World Book Day, what’s the script for the poor kid? She hasn’t got fancy dress left over from Hallowe’en, and the whole wear-a-sheet-and-pretend-to-be-a-ghost thing doesn’t work if you’re poor. A homemade robot made out of a cardboard box is fine if it’s common knowledge your mam and dad have a nice car and you go on hols to Dubai every summer.  If they know you walk to school no matter the density of the pissing rain and a day out in Southport seems exotic to you because it’s so rare, then that fucking robot underlines your poverty; a child may as well have a neon sign above her head saying “I’m a pov”.

My friend the children’s author Trevor Belshaw has a quirky idea. Why, he asks, aren’t kids encouraged  to go to the library, take out a book they really like and bring it to school with them on World Book Day? It’s free to borrow books, anyone can do it and we need to boost activity in libraries, so…

Too radical an idea? Controversial?

Apparently so.

No, let’s not bother with such bookish craziness; we’ll go for the costume angle instead and, y’know, children can bring a book if they really want to. It’s bound to work, and if it makes the poor kids feel even shittier than they usually do, we’re on to a winner.  Well played.


Book news

There are two books out this week with my work in them.

On Monday 5th Jan, Sisters Born, Sisters Found (Wordforest) is out via ebook. In paperback already, it carries my feminist essay “You women! You’re such bithes!”. The book is an exploration of sisterhood in all its guises. Thanks to editor Laura McHale Holland from Wordforest for all the hard work she put into producing the book.

cath bore

On Tuesday 6th Jan, the ebook version of Slim Volume : No Love Lost (Pankhearst) is also released, with the paperback available since December. I help celebrate anti-romance with my flash fiction “Good Times”. Edited by Kate Garrett, the book is a full of beautiful stories and poetry. I read “Good Times” on YouTube:

A (slightly late) launch for No Love Lost takes place in Sheffield on 29th January, details here.


The Plagiarist

The woman in my writing group she’s buzzing, animated like she’s about to open a birthday present. She’s grinning, all teeth and eyes and flushed cheeks, grasping onto the chapter of my book printed onto three white sheets. This writing group is formal, work emailed for critique a full four days before meetings. Try sending it in later, three days or even two, and you’re out, no messing about. The sheets in the woman’s hand creak and whine she grips so hard, her knuckles turning white, bone joints pushing out stretching the skin. Her smile is fixed and brittle, eyes darker than normal. It hits me. She’s not excited but angry, and her anger is directed at me.

The chapter in the book I’m writing peruses on the grimness of winter. Winter smells of nothing, it observes; not like the summer I love, with its flowers and foliage, the hum of malty pollen and cut grass delighting the senses.  If I am honest with myself I suspect I might go on a bit in this chapter and the work needs editing and refining, but this is my first draft of many so there’s time to let it prove, like a good loaf. I got the winter weather idea coming from a pub lunch with friends, a pub with gardens and grounds around it. In the warmer months it’s fresh and green and smells amazing but in January the garden is just damp and dull. I scribbled “no smell” in Olive, my notebook, on the train home. That’s what notebooks like Olive are for, to scribble down your observations and the odd cheeky word for later use.


Back in the writing group the woman is staring. I’m wondering, maybe she doesn’t like my chapter, thinks it’s crap. I hope not because I’m pleased with it.

‘Who wants to go first?’ I say.

Not bothered, shrugs everyone. No one ever wants their work to be examined and critiqued first although we are all friendly enough. Not friends exactly, but cordial companions.

‘We’ll do mine first, then,’ I say.

The woman’s brittle smile flinches, but she grins.

‘Well, what did you think?’ I throw it out to the room and brace myself to hear views on my chapter.

‘I like the thing about the weather,’ says one member. ‘It might need some editing though. To give it more punch.’

Fair enough. I saw that coming. We go around the circle and I’m getting good feedback, some a bit snipey but nothing I can’t take. Then it’s the woman’s turn.

‘Well, what do you reckon?’ I repeat.

She glares and smirks simultaneously. A nervous giggle scratches my throat, and escapes; I can’t help it.

Her features harden. ‘I know where you got this from!’ She stabs the sheets with her finger.

‘Where I got what from?’

‘The thing about winter not smelling of anything!’

I consider whether to tell her about the pub garden. How I came out of the pub with a belly full of veggie lasagne and red wine, dug out Olive and wrote down what I thought. I actually remember writing it down, which is rare because usually Olive just shows me rows of words and random phrases but this I recall noting, it has a thin string of memory attached.

‘Do you?’ I say instead.

‘I said that!’


‘When we came out of that pub, it’s what I said, coming out!’

Oh. The woman had been with us on the pub lunch. I remember that now.

‘I said that!’ She’s hitting the page again.

Had she said it? I don’t remember.  But there’s no reason to believe she’s making it up, normally she’s very nice. Not today though.

‘We went to the pub in January. You, me and her!’ She points at another woman who looks terrified.

I recall the lunch with them in January. Olive was with me, skulking in my bag. A writer’s lunch in a pub,  the pub with a garden that smelled of nothing.

‘You stole it!’

That’s a bit strong. Still, I start to blush. ‘I can’t remember.’ I’m lying now. The memory is creeping back, readjusting itself in my mind, pushing its way to the front. I’m in the pub garden again and it smells of damp, the bare trees like barcodes against a white-grey sky and I hear the woman’s voice saying “The thing is about winter, it smells of nothing.”

I look down on the printed page of my chapter.

“The thing is about winter, it smells of nothing”.

Oh. My. God.

I brazen it out, but she’s smarting. I feel like a plagiarist, a thief. But I can’t be. Can I? You an’t copyright an idea, a handful of throwaway words. Can you?

‘I’m not going to say anything in front of you anymore.’

I’ve really pissed her off, but can I do? Olive would be bare and blank if I ignore everything round me.  What do I write about if I can’t squirrel way words? This has never happened to me before, ever. I think if there was some sort of writer’s disciplinary tribunal she’d have Olive and I in the dock.

The writing group fizzles out soon afterwards and I’m sad in a way, but glad for it. Thief, thief, rings in my ears when I think of this woman now. Word thief, ideas thief. The frisson of fear and shame.

Still, here I am, writing an article about it.

Olive, my notebook. I will blame her.


Howdy Mr Fox

Charity shops the week before Christmas are traditionally sparse for goodies, New Year is the time when we can pounce and scoop up unwanted gifts. I struck lucky today, and found this foxy little darling.


I don’t know what this was meant to be when originally made but now with a little charity shop magic, it’s my new Kindle cover. YMCA bought, it has a notebook-sized pocket at the back too. Win-win.


A Short Story Advent Calendar

I was so chuffed to see that my short story Happy Frigging Christmas is today’s tale over at The Crime Warp’s crime short story advent calendar today.

They say: As if being called out on Christmas day, missing your mam’s roast tatties and an afternoon of Christmas TV isn’t bad enough, you discover you’re headed to the worst crime scene ever… Happy Frigging Christmas indeed!

It’s an honour to be in the same roll call as Agatha Christie, Val McDermid, Peter James, Stuart Mac Bride and other wonderful crime authors, so thank you so much to The Crime Warp for including my story.

happy frig

You can find Happy Frigging Christmas here.


The Hotel Library

It seemed very hypocritical to me that I should whinge about proposed local library closures in my area when I’ve allowed my own membership to lapse, so this week I remedied that. To my shame I’ve rarely visited our library over the past year despite it being just up the road from me, so I’ll be changing my habits from now on. I’ll have to – they’ll be wanting back the books I borrowed, I should imagine.

I think it’s quite sweet and interesting how libraries pop up organically in odd places. It’s quite anarchic. We stayed in Manchester this week – we were at The Lowry to see Roddy Frame – the hotel we rested our heads at was a budget place, but staff/the owner still has the passion to cobble together a few books for residents to mull over. This is possibly the tiniest library in the world, but I thought it was very cool.

merchant lib